You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
