Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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