dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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