Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
