I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
