if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize