i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
