just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
