Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
