his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
