Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
