So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize