Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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