and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
