I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
