first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize