Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
