if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
