Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
