No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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