When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
