Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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