I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
