I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
