A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
