you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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