i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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