We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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