Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
