conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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