and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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