My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
