dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
