Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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