guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
