Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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