My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
