new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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