Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
