OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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