I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
