This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
