I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
