you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
