this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
