Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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