don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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