Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
