He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are the jesus of drinking
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I think I just sharted jello shots
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