Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
