Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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