You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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