just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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