Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
