Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think your dad took our porno
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
