how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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