6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
