Your mouth is God's brothel.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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