Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
