haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
as a side note pls kill me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize