he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
