I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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