Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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