I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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