hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
