That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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