not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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