I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
