I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
