i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
