cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize