He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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