Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
