is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
