EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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