You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
