captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
