oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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