her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All the doctor said was why
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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