There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think a kid would responsible me up
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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