I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
