apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
