shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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