dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
