i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
