dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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