at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
