bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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