I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
